Unforgettable Pain
by panda Ru
Summary: As Riku and Kairi celebrate their one year anniversary, everyone notices the distance in Sora. He becomes haunted by something unknown to everyone else, but when he's in an accident that nearly takes his life. Will forgetting be the best? Overall SoRiku
1. Acceptance of Fate

**A/N: I really hope you guys who read this find it at least partially enjoyable. I've never really been one to share my work, but I really hope that at least one other person doesn't think this is a waste of time.**

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**Forgotten Pain**

**by: Panda Ru**

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Chapter One: Acceptance of Fate

Sora smiled as he studied the drawing he was working on, only half finished... He frowned as he knew he'd have to pick up his pace in order to finish the piece on time.

So far it made him smile. Riku was standing there, holding out the star-shaped fruit to the one he was hoped to bind their destinies together with the taste of paupu fruit. Sora's smile turned into a reminiscent sad smile as he worked on the other half, filling in his best friends' light, his other best friend Kairi.

Knowing of Sora's artistic talent, it was Selphie's idea for the drawing. Tidus had been hesitant to agree with his girlfriend, knowing that Sora was still slightly disheartened seeing the silver-headed warrior sweep the berry haired girl off her feet. Most were either oblivious or turned a blind eye to Sora's slightly despondent smile when the three of them were together anymore. Being the third wheel was nothing less than miserable for the teen... but still, the over exuberant brunette pushed for the drawing with the idea of giving them the fruit itself as their one year anniversary gift.

The two had almost immediately started dating after their return to normality from the trials of Kingdom Hearts, and though both Key blade masters were happy to be home, one still remained withdrawn and much more subdued than he was at the beginning of the journey. Even Sora's mother had started to become more and more worried as the once extraverted ball of energy wore a melancholic smile as he faced each day.

In the depths of electric blue eyes, there was an overwhelming sense of brokenness. Both Riku and Kairi had approached him about it, but he merely shrugged off their worries each time with a mask of a smile and assured them he was fine. The two love bird teens would share a worried glance, but otherwise try not to push their friend even farther away. Hopefully Sora would talk to them about it when he was ready.

With the drawing nearly completed, Sora looked up to see Kairi and Riku headed his way, hand in hand. He hid the drawing out of sight in his sketch book as they neared, calling to him.

"Hey guys," Sora smiled at them, hiding the pain in the depths of his soul.

"Sora, where have you been? We've been wondering where you were hiding all day." Her voice bubbly fluted, her eyes held a happiness at seeing a real smile from him.

He smiled sheepishly, hoping to come up with a good enough excuse, "Yeah, well I've been busy." He gave a mischievous smile at his silver haired friend, "and I'm sure the two love birds could use some time alone... Hmm?"

"SORA!!!" The brunet turned tail smiling as his best friend gave chase. Riku wasn't as mad as he let on, and was actually pleased that Sora was beginning to act more like his old happy self. It eventually turned into a dual with the old wooden swords on their own little battle island, as Selphie had once pegged it, which eventually developed into a wrestling match, Riku happily torturing the younger by holding him down and tickling him.

Kairi laughed at their antics, watching as all signs of looming gloom dissipated from the blue eyed boy. She smiled, Sora was still Sora as his _off _days grew further and fewer between. His lighthearted personality was finally working through the clouds that haunted his sky. Sora was a beacon of light to all those who knew him, and apparently he was nearly shining as brightly before.

Riku and Kairi had assumed he was still haunted by darkness, worrying when he'd be called away to fulfill the keyblade's destiny once again. The tribulations that followed him home left a heavy load for one kid to bear.

As the sun was finally starting to set, the three decided it time to head back to the main island, Sora watched as Riku rowed the double boat for him and Kairi. He smiled, he could get the drawing done in time for their party by tomorrow. It was nice being just the three of them together again. It wasn't Riku and Kairi with Sora tagging along, for the briefest moment it was just Kairi and Riku and Sora. Just as how it always had been.

He knew it wouldn't stay that way forever, especially when Riku and Kairi finally intertwined their destinies. That was why Sora knew it was time for him to grow up. He knew he couldn't hold on to the belief that things were always perfect forever, but a part of him was still wishful, just one more day and perhaps he would have the courage to finally move on. Fate certainly wasn't waiting on him, and with _Riku and Kairi _and _Tidus and Selphie, _it was still just Sora. He'd have to work on changing that.

He fell asleep once again dreaming of the one he wished could be entwining their destiny with him.

**:-:-: **_beep beep beep beep _**:-:-: **

Sora rolled over deciding to turn off the immensely irritating sound in order to get back to sleep. He groaned when he remembered why he set the early alarm. Tidus, Selphie and him were putting the finishing touches to the plans for the surprise party for Kairi and Riku's one year anniversary.

Almost everything was in place by the early afternoon. The couple in question could be seen down at the beach wading in the shallow waves, once again hand in hand.

Sora, Tidus, and Selphie had finished decorating for the small one year anniversary party to be held early that evening, in time to get done early enough for the couple to have some real alone time. Sora smiled slightly as Riku and Kairi approached, both obviously wanting to know what was going on.

The five teens went on about random things, the who's who and newest gossip that was flittering around the main island.

Three avoided anything about plans for the rest of the day while Kairi chatted away about how romantic she hoped her future wedding would be. Riku raised an eyebrow at the subject and rolled his eyes but didn't want to stop her from dreaming, she could talk about it if she wanted to today. Usually he would have said something about still being too young to even think of marriage, and asked her if she had an early death wish just to tease her. That was when Riku noticed Sora, standing at the other side of the group, nodding his head as if pretending to listen, but that blank expression on his face told Riku otherwise.

Sora's eyes were almost glistening, he studied them a moment more before Sora noticed the intense gaze of being analyzed. He put on a grin so fake to smile at Riku, it looked as though his face would break.

Selphie stated that she had to get back to what she was previously doing, and promptly drug the brunet and blonde boys away. Kairi laughed at the antics, but Riku found himself truly more worried for the brunet that what he had ever been.

The silver haired teen sighed in deep reflection. He finally noticed that Kairi was trying to get his attention.

"So, what's got you so tied up in there?" She slightly giggled as she lightly thumped his forehead. "Seemed like the world was revolving without you for a minute." Her bright smile slightly faltered as she noticed her joking didn't ease any of the tension. Apparently he had been thinking about something deep.

He shocked her with the quick, unexpected response, "Do you think Sora's really ok? I mean seeing him today, he just seemed so..." Worry laced the words concerning his closest friend. Him and Sora had been so remarkably close at one point or another, but now, there was a thick tension and looking into the bright blue eyes that so closely resembled the brunet's, Riku realized when Sora first started to slip into the depression.

"Kairi, do you really think Sora is ok with us being together?" Those words alone shook the berry haired girl. If she was truthful with herself, she'd be able to understand, but the three of them weren't kids anymore. Sora seemed so much older now, and Riku was still the quite and mysterious one, he had greatly been humbled by the darkness, vowing to stow away his pride, in hope of light.

"Riku, I really don't know. I mean, what can we do? Even if he does have a problem with it, would that keep us from loving each other?" Riku sighed heavily. He cared a great deal about his friendship with the brunet, but was it worth the love? He honestly couldn't ever see himself weighing the two, and Kingdom Hearts had proved it. Though he was willing to do anything to get Kairi's heart back, he was sure as hell going to see that nothing came to harm Sora after he finally saw how much the blue eyed boy meant to him. He gave himself to darkness, but was it really for Kairi. Of all the thought's that plagued him the most while he traveled through the realms of darkness, it was wondering of what would Sora think? Not Kairi, but Sora.

"Kairi, I just don't know anymore. I care about you both so much, and it kills me to think that I'm hurting my best friend like this." Kairi stared into the depths of pale aqua eyes, shocked to see the beginnings of tears. His voice was so thoughtful, so broken, "I mean I lov-" Riku's heart stopped dead for a second. He couldn't finish the sentence, spoken before thought out, his eyes wide and full of sorrow and fear.

Kairi smiled sympathetically. "I know Riku, I love you too. I just don't know what to do about Sora." Riku looked lost, slightly shaking his head in denial. The weight of everything hitting him full force, all at once. Just as she was standing on her tippy-toes waiting for the kiss, she jerked back as she heard the scream of horror.

* * *

Sora and Tidus were being dragged against their will by the extremely hyper brunette. Selphie was talking so fast that it was starting to give Sora a head ache from trying to follow it. 

"SO all we really have left to do, is pretty much just get the paopu. Everything else is set. Kairi and Riku are going to be SO surprised!"

"Selph, don't you think that this is too much? I mean, aren't Riku and Kairi supposed to decide to do this on their own? What if they aren't ready?" Sora's arguments, though they made perfect sense, fell on the deaf ears of his current captive.

"Pfft. Sora, Riku and Kairi were just _made_ for each other, I mean seriously. I'm shocked he hasn't asked her to marry her or something. Surely they're ready for this."

Tidus noticed the immediate change in Sora's posture. He wasn't the same gentle Sora everyone knew. There was a hardness in his eyes, but still so deeply hurt he looked as though he could have broken down there right then. Sora didn't verbally respond, but was still fighting with everything he had. His effort went unseen save for one.

Once they reached the paopu tree that bent off the side of the island, the fruit out above the water, Selphie turned to the boys. She gave them a big grin, "So, which one of you wants to get the fruit?"

Sora contemplated everything for just an eternal second. He really did love Riku. He had spent so much time searching for him, just to save him from the darkness, only for him to be with Kairi. 'I'm being selfish, aren't I? If I truly love Riku, then I want him to be happy, even if it's with Kairi.'

After what seemed a moments hesitation to the other two, Sora smiled and volunteered.

He actually smiled as he volunteered. He felt a great weight lift off him in that moment, he could _finally_ accept that Riku's heart belong to Kairi, and with that, there was peace. He smiled. Selphie was actually right, getting the paopu fruit for Riku would make him happy, and Sora would be the one to do it.

He'd have to balance walk on the thick part of the trunk out to the fruit, no problem with the grace of a keyblade master, this was nothing.

Selph and Tidus watched as Sora smiled slightly sadly standing on the trunk of the tree, looking at the fruit. He walked slowly towards the branches over the water, the thickness of the trunk nothing to worry about until a few more steps.

Sora put one foot in front of the other as the base narrowed, and as he drew closer and closer to the fruit, his mind became doubtful. Even if he didn't stand the slightest chance at having Riku's heart, wouldn't he want the get the fruit himself as a special gift for Kairi? He swayed a second and barely registered Tidu's urgent warning.

His fingers brushed along the fruit just slightly still out of reach.

Having to remind himself once more of all the reasons he was doing this his feet one in front of the other, he faltered ever so slightly on the slimmer part of the trunk, twirled his arms for balance and completely lost it as tears stung his eyes.

* * *

Tidus was slightly relieved to hear Sora volunteer to get the fruit. He had a bad feeling about this in the first place, but the smile that graced Sora's face was one of pure ease. In that one moment, it didn't look fake or forced, and though he could still see a slight darkness to his eyes, they looked contented, like acceptance of fate could finally shine through.

Selphie was giggling giddily hoping to be able to hold a piece of the sacred star shaped fruit soon. Paopu fruit seemed almost always to grow in inaccessible places. They were meant only for those who were serious to tie their fate to one they loved, and their positions to grow were meant to dissuade any who wished to have the fruit to themselves.

He watched as Sora easily jumped onto the trunk with a grace honed by years of war. Sora seemed to have become less sure of his footing as he reached the branches of the tree.

"Sora, be careful. Ok?" Selph had turned to smile at Tidus as if to say there was no reason for the hasty warning, but to the horror of the both, the saw their friend stumble just enough to lose his footing as he came in reach of the fruit.

* * *

Sora felt himself being pulled. It was like no matter how much he reached for the fruit, it was never going to be in his grasp. Tears stung his eyes as he felt himself fall. It was like the world was spinning in slow motion as nothing made sense in that one moment that seemed to have lasted for an eternity as he saw the trunk of the tree come up to greet him.

All he could see was black, his head felt like it was exploding as he felt himself fall. He would never even feel the slash of water that was caused when he broke the calm surface of the near shore surf.

* * *

Tidus and Selphie watched in horror. They saw the graceful warrior fall forward hitting his head on the tree trunk before he fell to the surface of water below him. Both were frozen in silent terror gripped by disbelief to act for a single eternal second.

It wasn't until a limp body hit the water below did anything register. Selphie and Tidus could see blood tainting the once crystal like blue water. "SORA!" Tidus was jumping to pull a lifeless form to the surface.

And it wasn't until then did a high pitched screem of panic echo throughout the island. It fell on the ears of the island's inhabitants, nay for the one. Tidus was swimming to the shore of the larger island, trying to keep the head of brown spikes above the water. Just as he was pulling an unconscious Sora to the sand, checking heatedly for any sign of life in the teen.

Neither of the witnesses of the accident were surprised to see their other two friends in a full-out run. Riku's eyes widened in shock and horror as he watched Tidu drag a limp Sora to the beach.

Selphie was running towards them from the other side, having ran across the brigde and into the sand. Riku didn't even worry about waiting for Kairi as he rushed to the side of his best friend.

"Tidus? What happened?" His breathless plea for info fell on panic-stricken ears.

"He... he fell. I... I don't think he's breathing..." Out of breath and swallowing sobs, Tidus moved away as Riku crouched beside Sora. He covered the gash on his forehead with one hand and searched for a pulse with the other, trying to remain calm when none appeared to be present.

Kairi was in tears at seeing the state of her best friend. His hair hung limp around an ashen white face, and a look too emotionless to ever describe Sora painted on the pale face only served to scare her further.

"Kai! Help me... Just... try to stop the bleeding as much as possible." She settled on Sora's other side, trying to keep the wound covered as much as possible as Riku tilted the teen's head back and held the nose shut to begin trying to resuscitate their companion. Riku breathed into the body remembering lessons of CPR from health class.

He checked for a pulse before starting compressions against the younger boy's chest. He checked again before starting the repeat of breaths into the unconscious teen. Tears formed in his eyes as he fought to keep hope and his friend alive. He repeated the process of pumps and breaths again growing frantic at the lack of response. He'd be damned if he gave up... He'd do this all night, knowing that Sora was too young to die... Damn IT! How could he do this to him? He loved Sora!

It wasn't until he grew exhausted and breathless himself in the fifth round of it, and hearing both Kairi and Selphie crying and Tidus sniffling did he get any response. Water could be heard gurgling out with a frantic choke. Riku looked down in time to see blue eyes look around bewilderedly before fluttering closed again. Damn! Sora had taken a severe blow to the head, how could he have forgotten about that?

"We have to get out of here, NOW!" He picked Sora up bridal style before heading as quickly, but safely as he could. Kairi and the other's fell into step at a run behind him. "KAI! I need you to try and keep Sora awake and his head covered on the way back." He laid Sora down in the double boat hoping it would last with the weight of a third, as he stripped off his shirt and tossed it at the girl carefully climbing it. "Use that for a bandage, we can't have that wound bleed too much!"

Kairi only nodded, still breathless and not trusting her voice anyways, they heard Tidus call out a "Be careful!", and Selphie still crying as Riku set a pace faster than he had ever rowed before.

Kairi and Riku both looked down as the heard Sora groan and a ragged, groggy voice, "Where am I?"

Kairi did her best, whispering sweet comforts to him as eyes gazed at her unfocused in a daze. He groaned as he clutched his head, the constant motion edging his nerves. Riku had probably set a record speed for one man rowing to the main land, hurriedly docking, and not worrying too much about the tie down as he once again pulled the younger male into his arms set on his purpose.

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A few of the fishermen docking for lunch saw the three teens and the state of the injured one as the trio pulled up next to the dock.

One of them called out to call an ambulance as they moved the three of them to the main road. Minutes seemed to last for eternity for Riku as he nearly collapsed from all the emotions within the last half hour. Sora was once again unconscious but still breathing evenly this time. It only took a whole five minutes for the ambulance to arrive, stating that one of them needed to go with them, as Riku volunteered. Tidus would soon be here at the docks and would comfort Kairi then. He'd be damned if he didn't go with Sora.

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The paramedic rushed to stabilize Sora as much as possible as they began to question Riku for an explanation. What _had _happened?

"So kid, what happened? We need to know as much as we can to help him."

"I... I don't know, I... I was w-walking on th-the bea-ch with Kai, an' w-we h-heared S-Selph-ie sc-ream. The nex' th-thing we s-see i-is Ti-dus drag-gin' Sor-ra t-to the bea-ch. H-had t-ta g-ive CPR." They moved to keep the brunet with them as the other nearly sobbed out the story.

The rest of the trip was a silent prayer to Riku after they asked all the crucial information about names, parents, and other injuries. Sora was steadily fading away. It wasn't until they pulled next to the emergency entrance did the cost of everything hit him full force in the chest. One of the paramedics had called out a code black, cardiac arrest.

Riku stood there until of the nurses ushered him to a waiting room. He shook his head in denial. After everything Sora had survived, this was his end? Sora was the KEYBLADE MASTER... someone far too strong to fall to a simple accident, he was the chosen warrior, and it just couldn't end like this.

He looked up hearing the commotion, Kairi, Tidus, and Selphie had finally arrived, as had Sora's mother.

Her tears falling from blue eyes that were so different, yet so similar to the teens'. First dealing with her son's disappearance, and now this? She never gave up hope that Sora was coming back, even though so many of her friends stated that he was just another delinquent teen, a runaway, she knew Sora would never leave like that. And finally, he showed up again, in tears as he hugged her and mumbled apology after apology. He looked so beaten, it broke her heart to see that in his eyes.

She learned bits and pieces of what happened, but there was so much her son thought he had to bear himself, keeping the darkest secrets and hardest trials locked in his heart, and it was killing him. The darkness in his eyes could be seen as he weighed his heart down with the lumbered his heart with such.

She refused to give up the hope that Sora would overcome this as well. He was just too special to her, the only thing in her life that kept her going at this point, he was her light.

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**Ok, well there's the first chapter, and for those of you who've made it reading this far, I'd really appreciate it if you'd tell me what you think of it so far. I know it seems a bit rushed in places, but I thought the fast pace could set the feeling the frantic emotions. Anyways, I'll have the next chapter up as soon as it's finished.**

**  
Oh and by the way, this was written without being proofread by anyone else, so feel free to mention any typical spelling errors. If anyone is interested in proofreading it, I'd appreciate that as well.**

**Ru**


	2. Beginning of The End

**A/N: Thank you everyone for so much support. I really hope you guys like this next installment. By the way, I forgot to mention that I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of it's characters. Please don't sue me for my horrible memory.**

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**Drowning In Memories**

**by: Panda Ru  
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Chapter Two: Beginning of The End 

Blue eyes lightly fluttered open. Impulsively a hand was moved to shade the disordered blue orbs from the harsh invading light, but instead a groan was issued forth as even the small amount of movement caused a painfully drilling headache.

A cringe was caused as a high pitched shout from the woman sitting by the bed. "SORA!" She quickly leaned forward to hold the now conscious boy to her. It had been such a hard week. Sora had flatlined as soon as she arrived and his condition didn't look positive at all for the post-op hours.

He had slipped into a coma while the doctors had so strenuously worked on the crack in his skull and the damage that had caused, but now she could laugh so hard she'd cry because he was awake.

Sora would respond like how he normally would when he was sick, tell her that she didn't have to worry so much and that he could smile because the sun was shining. She pulled back slightly to look in his eyes. "Sora? You're alright now, everything will be fine." Her smile faltered as she saw confusion instead of the warmth and sunshine they would normally reveal to her.

"Um... I'm ok." The small voice seemed so unsure. This couldn't be her brave warrior.

A nurse passing the room noticed the alert teen and quickly called a doctor. "So, how are you feeling?" The deep voice treaded carefully as he examined the condition of the teen. Eyes seemed a tad distant but what had really gotten to the doctor was the lack of response.

"Sora, I need you to think really hard for me. Do you remember what happened?" Mrs. Hoshiko chewed nervously on her lip. The teen gave a small sigh and shook his head no. Sora couldn't even give his full name.

Traumatic Amnesia. Complete memory loss. Sora smiled sadly to himself, feeling small and insecure with the doctor and nurse in the room. He didn't even recognize his own mother.

He had suffered so much already. Kingdom Hearts still wore heavily on him and now this? Why?

He could get through this. She knew he would.

* * *

Riku had opted to stay and sleep in the waiting room at the hospital. Kairi, Selphie and Tidus all felt that waiting in the hospital for days was just too nerve racking, though they asked him to call with any new information as soon as Riku got it. 

Riku's older brother and only family had been contacted as soon as possible and Mrs. Hoshiko said she'd act as a temporary guardian seeing that Riku's older brother was unable to get off work on short notice, knowing the silver haired teen wouldn't want to leave Sora.

A nurse slightly shook the teen to wake him. Riku smiled upon hearing Sora was awake and responsive but he grew anxious hearing the catch in the nurse's voice.

"So can I see him?"

"I'm afraid not at the moment. The doctor is currently examining him and wishes that Sora not be disturbed by anyone at the moment."

Riku wanted to growl. He knew she was hiding something, something obviously _important_. "...But I'm his best friend. I've been waiting here for _days_. Even Mrs. Hoshiko told the doctors I was more like family. I HAVE to _see _him."

She gave a small nervous smile as the teen got worked up. "I understand that perfectly sir, but I believe that Sora is not in his right mind."

_...not in his right mind?_ What in the hell was that supposed to mean? Apparently the look on his face gave away the question as the nurse finally continued without being prompted.

"Sora showed signs of amnesia and the doctor believes that it's complete traumatic amnesia. He couldn't even recall his own name this morning."

Riku paled in shock. Sora had forgotten him? Sora had forgotten _everything_. His sunshine teen had forgotten all the things that made him so special. Could Sora still be Sora without remembering what made him who he was?

* * *

After all the commotion had died down, the brunet felt relieved. He couldn't explain why he felt like this was the first time in a while that he could actually smile. He felt like he was going insane. He wasn't supposed to be this happy. He had just realized he couldn't remember anything about his past and he was smiling about it. 

Had there been something that he forgot that had made him sad? He really didn't want to question it. The doctor was currently whispering to his mother on the other side of the room while he glanced around curiously. Hmm... Right now the only thing for him to solve was his boredom.

He saw his mother smile when he asked for some paper and something to draw with. Apparently he was a good drawer, at least in her opinion as she mentioned his artistic talents.

"So I like to draw?" He smiled down at the picture. He didn't exactly know what he was drawing, but it looked cool. Some sort of giant key something or another. The details on it were sketchy, as if he couldn't draw something real without looking at it, though this item was unlikely to even exist.

Mrs. Hoshiko smiled proudly. "Yes. You drew a beautiful picture of a rose for me for my birthday a few months ago. I even have it framed." She nodded as if there was something to say, but didn't know how to say it. "I think you wanted to go to school to major in art, but I'm not sure because you never really told me."

"Wow. I just thought it'd be something to kill the time sitting here. It's cool that that's what I want to do for a living." Sora knew the only to find out about himself right now was learning from others. "So do I have a father here somewhere?"

A sad smile and a shake of the head was all he got for a answer before she collected herself. "I'm sorry Sora. He died, years ago in fact. But I want you to know he'd be proud of you. You look so much like him."

"Really?"

"Yeah..." Her voice trailed away as if admitting she couldn't handle talking about him. She opted for a change of subject. "Sora, I'm sure that your friends will want to see you soon. In fact, your best friend stayed here all week with me after getting his things from home." Her heart wrenched as his face lit up in such a bright manner. It had taken him forgetting everything to see that sunshine smile again.

"What are my friends like?"

"Well, your best friend Riku, he's tall with silver hair and aqua eyes and he's _very_ athletic. He's the one you spar with all the time. I know he's the one who got you to make those wooden swords. He's a good kid. He's kinda like the leader in your little group of friends.

"Then there's Kairi, your other best friend and Riku's girlfriend. She's sweet and bright. A very optimistic girl. I know she missed you both very much."

"Missed us?"

Mrs. Hoshiko's eyes widened as she realized what she said. How would she be able to explain Kingdom Hearts when she knew so little herself. If this was the cause of Sora's pain and misery, then maybe this accident was supposed to be a blessing in disguise if he could be his old cheerful self.

"Of course. You've both been here all week. You three are usually stuck together like glue." She smiled happily as she hugged her son again. Even if he never recovered the lost memories, he still had his friends and he could finally start over. Maybe Kingdom Hearts would never be remembered and for that she would pray.

"There's also Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie. You hang out with them at the beach all the time. I'm sure you'll meet them soon enough."**  
**

* * *

Riku did his best to hid the tears that threatened to fall as he was lead to the room where his best friend currently resided. He'd have to be strong for Sora in order to help him get through this. He made a mental note to call Kairi and give her the news. Although tragic, it still meant that they hadn't lost Sora completely. 

Riku gave a light tap on the door and peered through the halfway open entrance. Two sets of blue eyes met his questioning gaze. He smiled at seeing Sora sitting up, smiling and chatting away with his mother. He apparently had some form of repressed memories as Sora doodled along the pile of blank paper before him.

"Um, hi Sora. I heard you may not remember me, but I'm Riku. Your best friend?" Blue eyes shined vibrantly with the stunningly bright smile.

"Yeah, hi! Mom said I'd get a friend to come see me. She told me about you." Sora slightly rattled on while Riku just listened intently for any spark of hope that there'd be something in there he remembered. He took a seat beside the bed, leaning forward to rest his head on folded arms over it.

"Yeah, I'm really glad you're up Sor. You really gave us a scare. I'm so glad you're finally awake." Riku smiled through the tears that glazed his eyes. He leaned up and hugged the younger teen tightly to his chest. Riku whispered against the brunet's ear, "I'm so glad you're ok."

"Hey, Sora honey? Do mind if I have a word with Riku out in the hall real quick?" Her eyes seemed to be hiding something important as she looked to the silver haired teen.

Blue eyes watched as the two stepped out of sight. Not thinking anything about it just left his mind to be happily content with the sketches in front of him. There was one of a dog, a duck, and a mouse, who all seemed to be more human than animal. Why did he have such strange images on his mind. There was on image he didn't know just why he drew it, but the drawing pulled at him to finish it.

A figure cloaked in black wielding a wing-like weapon, shadows surrounded him. There were figures that he couldn't give definite forms to, but he knew they lurked within the darkest areas of the lead on paper. Just looking at the drawing gave him an eerie feeling. He reached down the feelings were once again forgotten as he tore the paper over and over again. He had destroyed that darkness.

He smiled as Riku and his mother came back in. Riku was trying to smile and his mother wore a worried look on her face. They were probably just concerned about him.

* * *

Riku stared curiously at Sora's mother. She had pulled him away from the room with a promptness that gave away her urgency. Worriedly he wanted to ask what this was all about, "Mrs. Hoshiko?" 

The woman in front of him finally turned to the young man. She had tears in her bright blue eyes. They were falling with a vengeance now that she didn't have to worry about Sora seeing them. "Riku, I know this is going to be tough to accept, but maybe we shouldn't have Sora try to remember anything that happened in the past." His mouth dropped to respond in a shocked manner, but she cut him off before any sound made its way out. "He finally has the chance to be happy again. I know you two had to leave to save the worlds before, but Sora seems so sad all the time and now... He looks happy. I just think that him forgetting everything that hurt him so much before might be for the best."

Riku finally nodded. Maybe this was for the best. Sora had forgotten about his best friend's betrayal and the fondness they had for each other after everything had been forgiven. Kingdom Hearts couldn't hurt him anymore now that it didn't exist in his mind. Sora would still be his best friend and he knew they could always make more memories, but he felt as though he lost the Sora that he loved. The one who knew everything about him was gone, and in his place was a stranger who was a clone.

"Yeah, maybe. I won't mention anything about it, and I'll tell the others the same thing." He whispered the conformation she was looking for like he was admitting defeat. He had wanted to help Sora get rid of whatever darkness was haunting him, but not at the cost of him loosing every cherished memory.

* * *

Sora was so thankful he could finally go home. He had spent the past few days being visited by friends and getting to know them once again. They seemed really cool. Selphie was hyper and talkative, Tidus was also pretty talkative and friendly, and Wakka was obsessed about blitzball and kind of crazy but really fun to be around. 

Kairi and Riku stayed with him the most though. The three of the talked about what music they liked, mentioning Sora's favorites to him, they talked about movies and television programs they always watched. Mostly they talked about the beach. Their special place hidden away from the world. The local teens claimed the island as their own, that's how it had always been. The island seemed to be past from one generation of young dreamers to the next. The island was a fantasy vacation, with hidden treasure, pirates to conquer, sea monsters to tame, and whatever they managed to dream up. He couldn't wait to finally see the place he knew so well.

Stepping into his own room felt so foreign. He could guess what kind of person he was by looking around the slightly disarrayed room. The doctors said that the memory loss was most likely only temporary after the MRI and CAT scan. Being in his normal routine would be beneficial to him.

Sora smiled when he saw the large collection of good colored pencils and markers scattered across his desk. He flipped through a sketch pad studying his previous works. Apparently he did really want to be an artist. One drawing fell from the spiral pad in his lap. One of Kairi and Riku about to share one of those star shaped fruit things. He'd have to give it to one of them later, thinking he drew it for them anyways just unsure why.

He pulled a folder out from under his bed not really knowing why he remembered it was hidden there. He flipped through the things hidden in it. A thin journal, and few little knickknack keepsakes, pictures he'd have to sort through. One being of an older brunet with a face very much similar to his own. Obviously his father, though there was no name or date on it, he knew that's who it had to be.

Hidden at the very back of the folder was something that made Sora gasp. A very beautiful detailed drawing of two warriors, weapons in hands kissing with all their passion could muster. Each held a half of the familiar star shaped fruit with a bite taken out of it. Riku and himself? ...but why**  
**

* * *

Riku and Kairi walked along the beach. It seemed so quite and tense now, though he wasn't sure what had actually changed. They always did this together and he had always been fine with her clinging to him, but now he was slightly annoyed with how she tried to touch and tease him. Instead of the usually make-out session they'd normally be having by now all he could think about was Sora and his bright smile hoping that if and when he did remember everything, he'd be ok. 

Kairi was annoyed with the lack of affection she was getting. Sure she had seen him while she spent time with him and Sora at the hospital, but this was the first alone time they'd had in over a week, and not to mention that they didn't get to celebrate their one year anniversary. Riku wasn't even paying attention to her. He was too busy scowling at the sun-set across the water for it to be romantic at all.

Kairi's voice rose a half an octave as she wined, "...Ri-ku-uu." What did he have to worry so much about anyways? Sora was fine and finally happy. Sure he forgot everything, but he was still the same person. She agreed with Mrs. Hoshiko and thought it was best if he didn't remember anything anyways. He'd finally be able to move on.

"Kairi, look... I'm just... I just need time right now. There are some things I have to sort through and I'm sorry but I'd rather be alone." Kairi stopped for a minute with an angry frown on her face. What was his problem? "Sora's boat is still here, I'm sure you can row it back on your own if you want to leave, but I just need some time to think."

Damn him! "Riku! Look I know you're worried about Sora, but he seems _fine_." Her voice was demanding and impatient. "It was _our _one year anniversary that _HE _ruined anyways! How could you just forget about _that_, huh?"

Riku glared at her, "How _dare_ you blame Sora! He was only trying to get a paopu fruit for us to share and you act as if every little thing is _his_ fault?"

"Well, you seem so much more willing to spend all your time with _him_ when I'm your _girlfriend _Riku! If you want to spend all your time with him then maybe you should ask _him_ out!" Her voice bit back in a quiet angry hiss.

"Well maybe I should!" Riku didn't mean to lose his cool just then, but how dare her to blame Sora. He had been through enough without his friends giving him hell for recent events. The silver hair teen felt as though he was being mocked for recognizing certain feeling for the brunet.

"Wh-what?" As Kairi gasped in shock, Riku finally registered the pain in her eyes and the tears that painted her cheeks a soft pink. She gave a light gasping sob as she hugged herself not wanting to look at her boyfriend. Why? Why did they have to cause themselves so much misery?

"I don't know anymore Kairi, it's just that you mentioned that I should choose between you and Sora, this isn't the first time I feel like you want me to just forget about how much he means to me, how much we've been through together. And I know I can't make a whole lot of sense of anything right now, but I..." He swallowed over the lump that was forming in his already tight throat, "I just feel as if I'm finally seeing how much I have to weigh. And if you ever really told me all or nothing, make a choice, I'd have to choose Sora in a heartbeat because he would never ask for anything like that." He looked at Kairi with pleading eyes, hoping to make her understand. He never meant to hurt he just... he needed someone, but didn't realize just who that someone was until recently. Kairi was the girl, and wasn't he _supposed_ to like girls?

* * *

Sora flipped through the journal, reading about adventures they had dreamed up, about a raft they wished to sail away on, and their own hideaway cave. Everything seemed as if it was forming bits and pieces to a blurry puzzle. Sora flipped through the dates and was startled that even though there was an entry every day, it skipped nearly two years of time. 

What was Kingdom Hearts? Heartless...? Keyblade and darkness...? What did all of this mean? He read on hoping to find something to spark some sort of memory about this, but the entries when back to telling of normal everyday things. School, life, events, friends... and then there was the entry that really got to him.

_..why her? Couldn't _**I**_ make him happy? I looked so _**long**_ for him, just hoping that when I _**did**_ find him I'd be able to finally tell him how I really felt. I waited too long though. Now he's with Kairi and I'll never be able to tell him how much I would give to make him happy._

_  
Kairi actually asked me out just the other day, but I told her I only love her like a little sister. I think we're too similar, we would clash. Don't opposites attract? Is that why I feel so drawn to Riku, why I feel so _**safe**_ with him?_

He looked back at the drawing realizing how much he had dreamed for it to be real. Just to really taste Riku if only once. He had been told Riku was the one who had given him CPR and that thought cut at his heart even deeper. The only time he'd ever have the older boy's beautiful lips on his was in a life-threatening emergency.

Sora was nearly in tears, how could he have forgotten that? He loved Riku. He clutched his head as it felt like it was going to explode. It felt like a door that had been holding tight let through a tsunami of emotions and memories. He made it to the bed before collapsing, sobbing into a pillow as he held on for dear life.

Worst of all he, remembered everything that happened up until he hit his head. Sora felt terrible, he had wrecked his own best friends' special anniversary party. They would probably hate him for it.

Maybe it was time to admit defeat, though he held life dear, it was just too hard to bear now. He was gay and in love with his best friend who would probably hate him for it. He made up his mind that it was time to call it quits.

* * *

**I can't believe I've already got so much support. Thanks you guys who reviewed the first chapter, I really appreciate it. You guys didn't point out any errors, so I'm hoping that if they aren't too obvious. I hate reading a story with horrible grammar. Though mine's nowhere near perfect, I do try to read and edit my stories several times before I post them. It just gets to the point where you're sick of looking at it.**

**Gasp Somebody actually guessed my plot!?! Am I really _that _predictable?  
**

**Thanks again**

**Ru  
**


	3. Life Is But A Dream

**A/N: Please don't hate me... XD and please read through to the last of the chapter before you decide to flame me or not. I know that a lot of you who are reading were expecting this to go one way or the other, but I'm not one to write and tell. **

**Anyways, reviews are highly appreciated. I want to thank everyone for the amount of responce I've gotten on this little ongoing project so far, and sorry it took so long, but school has been a real set back.**

* * *

**Time Withers Him At Root**

**by: Panda Ru **

* * *

Chapter Three: Life Is But A Dream 

Riku knocked on the door of the Hoshiko's home, Sora's home. He had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach as he waited for someone to answer the door. The conversation with Kairi had not been an easy one for them to handle, ending with Riku coming to terms with his own feelings, and Kairi admitting that she always expected it to end that way.

After all, Sora had turned her down because of Riku, and she in turn went running to him for that very reason. She didn't realize at the time what the consequences would be, but was hoping making Sora jealous would eventually cause him to fall for her, and when that didn't happen he instead fell apart.

Kairi smiled sincerely through the pain, saying that Sora deserved to be happy and that she wished them the best. She dried her eyes and kissed him on the cheek. "Go get him tiger." He smiled down at her, obviously shocked by this encouraging consent. Sora could be his, and finally they could be together.

* * *

**000**

Sora watched fascinated with the blood slowly dripping to the pristine white porcelain sink. Never before would he have thought that the only escape from pain would be a different source of it. The cuts had started out as innocent as thin paper cuts, but quickly grew into the gruesome gashes that now lacerated each wrist.

The time he had spent alone crying, had quickly escalated to this, and within an hour of ever tainting his wrist with a blade, lethal punctures dripping large amounts of crimson as the world began to spin and skin paled. Sora held onto the edge of the sink knowing consciousness was quickly slipping.

He could hear voices carry down the hall, the creaking of the steps, someone was approaching. Guilt quickly filled his heart, not from the cuts, or the self-inflicted wounds, but that someone would have to witness his dying breaths. He slipped slowly down the wall, his vision had all but faded to black spots, thankful that the pain wouldn't last much longer. It was too much to bear.

The words whispered into his ear as his wishful lover cradled him were sad words pleading for knowledge that would never be known.

"Why Sora, why?" That was the mournful tantrum that faded into a dark oblivion. He closed his eyes to the warm welcoming darkness. Emptiness. If he had to describe this feeling, this place, empty would be the only thing to fit. It wasn't cold nor hot, humid nor dry, but the overwhelming sense of being in a void was the only feeling. He didn't feel sad or happy or anything really. Apparently even he was empty now.

He saw an approaching light, as if it was on the other side of a tunnel, one which he refused to enter. It seemed as if eternity happened within a few minutes as the light seemed to give up on him relenting to come. It seemed to disperse into thousands of tiny stars, surrounding him as colors came through the inky world.

Sora felt a strong sudden tug as if the laws of physics had just suddenly applied to him. Finally feeling compelled to open his eyes to the disarray of sounds, he gasped as tears finally fell.

**000**

Riku laid on the bed, his shirt soaked in patches of blood as he had vainly tried to keep the deep gashes from bleeding away Sora's life. He was now curled up next to the limp body as he sobbed. It just couldn't be true. This was Sora. "The world's happiest teen," Sora. How could so much darkness have tainted such an innocent soul for it to come to this.

Riku softly whispered sweet apologies as they fell on death's ears. Pleading for the gods themselves to just bring back the young hero. All that came to Riku's mind was guilt, and it weighed heavy on his heart.

'Maybe if I hadn't betrayed him...'

'Maybe if I had helped him save the worlds sooner...'

'Maybe if I hadn't been afraid to tell him how much I truly care...'

Riku knew Sora's mom was downstairs waiting for the ambulance. They had called in the emergency as soon as Riku had caught a glance of Sora on his bathroom floor, laying in a puddle of blood. Mrs. Hoshiko had left the room crying as soon as possible after Sora released his last breath. It wasn't supposed to happen, not to the hero.

The last words whispered from Riku's lips just before the door flew open to let in the emergency team were the words he regretted not saying until it was too late.

"I love you, Sora."

**000**

Sora stared in horror at the picture. Never would he thought death would be this painful. There Riku was curled up next to his own body. Sora wanted to comfort Riku, tell him that it wasn't his fault at all, that if he had been the one strong enough maybe things would have turned out differently, but instead, all he was now was a vacant shell. Would this be his eternal form, doomed forever to be a silent witness to those who walked their paths in life?

Sora gave an apologetic smile to his best friend, a memory that would forever burn in his undying soul. The thing that cut the most was the words Sora had longed for so long to hear, being whispered into his own rigid body. It tore through his soul as he fell to his knees, not knowing how it was possible, but realizing that he was crying harder than he ever had alive.

This was his punishment for suicide. This would be his eternal hell.

**000**

* * *

Being helpless to the night as the covers twisted around him as he struggled for freedom from their grasp. Sweat accumulated on a furrowed brow, as tears fought their way through tightly shut lashes. 

Why did it all have to hurt like this?

* * *

**000**

The room was heavy with sorrow. All of Sora's friends had gathered at the Hoshiko residence in memory of their friend. It had been a hard acceptance for the group, knowing that their once most optimistic friend had punished himself for burdens he shouldn't have had to carry alone in the first place.

Kairi wept on Riku's shoulder, knowing that her best friend would never be the same. Riku sat almost emotionless if it hadn't been for the tear stains running down his cheeks. His face had become a blank mask since the time he had seen the paramedics pull a sheet over the face of the one he would forever cherish.

Wakka leaned against a doorjamb, trying his best to come to terms with fate as Selphie leaned into Tidus for the emotional support and comfort she so desperately sought. This was how the small group of friends had faired since most of the crowed and acquaintances from school and the local area had come to pay their last respects had left.

Mrs. Hoshiko was left in an empty house, with a room full of teens she had always considered to be her own surrogate children in a way, considering the six of them had almost always been glued together in their childhood games. Now all that she had was a shattered dream of a family.

She held a picture of her angel in her lap as she stared into the nearly grey eyes of her other angel hanging in a picture frame on the wall. She felt that as fate dealt her a loosing hand, and all she was left with was dreary existence. What was life without love? She had slowly watched as her son slowly fell to pieces day by day, but it was a cruel termination of his shattered soul.

He would never know what it was like to experience the pinnacle of life, being in love. He would never know what it was like to experience the warm embrace of true affection, as darkness had smothered his light all too soon.

**000**

All the while, Sora had tried and tried to get someone, anyone to see him, to hear him, and had finally given up. He sat through his own memorial service, watching from the side as chose he loved cried tears of grief for the sunshine that had been taken by the rain.

He had stayed in his own house, just staying close as possible to his mother on the first night of his death, watching as she cried herself to sleep. He choked down sobs himself as he laid next to her on the bed, knowing that his hands passed through her as he made motion to wipe away the tears. It was one of the worst experiences he'd ever been through, and wondered just how many more cruel dealings he'd have to face in timeless years to come.

**000****  
**

* * *

It was as if colors in the world were slowly melting together, all was a shade grey that didn't make any sense.

* * *

**000****  
**

Sora spent the next day sitting in his own living room that held his main group of friends. They had come over and shared countless stories about him, little pointless "remember whens" that set them into fits of tearful laughter. Sora noticed how Riku would smile regretfully at each of the memorable stories, but never added his own accounts.

It brought a heavy feeling of guilt knowing that he had caused the people closest to him all this pain. He had ended up following Riku home wanting just to be with the person most cherished, even if he couldn't be there for him. It was long into the night as Sora silently watched Riku just stare at his ceiling.

It wasn't until the mid hours of the night, did Riku even flinch away from his unchanged position. He sat up and stared out his open window as Sora sat there, an unknow spectator in this horror.

As if Sora would somehow be able to answer, Riku needed to express what layed so heavy on his heart. "I need you so much Sora. You were the light of my life... my everything. Why Sora? Why did you do it?" Sora had never once heard the voice he loved so much sound so broken. Not even at his worst during their trials through countless worlds did Riku's sounded so wounded to the core.

As Riku would be able to know he was there, Sora took hold of the hand that hung weakly at the other's side. "I'm so sorry Riku... I'm so sorry.

"I love you Riku." Sora leaned up to touch his lips to the other's cheek, and as he pulled away, Riku, touched his cheek as if he had felt a spark of warmth touch him through the cool breeze.

He smiled sadly at the stars one last time whispering, "Good night Sora, I love you," before finally letting sleep take him away from the pain of the real world for just a few fleeting hours. And in that moment Sora watched Riku drift off to an uneasy sleep, he wished he too could escape reality though a pointless dream that he'd never see again.

**000**

* * *

Time itself was spinning out of control, as time as no effect on the perpetual soul.

* * *

**000****  
**

Sora stood off to the side, watching as each mourner dropped a single white rose onto the casket that held his body. The ceremony seemed so meaningless to him. He stood off as if emotions no longer held any account to him. There were no more tears to be shed, and sorry couldn't come easy enough.

He just felt empty. It was as if this lacking existence couldn't even touch him anymore. He looked into Riku's empty eyes, glossy with stubborn tears the held to the strength of trying not to fall, and felt as if his soul mirrored those once vibrant aqua eyes.

He turned and walked away. There was no need for him to attend the funeral if he felt it was like going to a stranger's. The cliffs of the shoreline seemed a much comforting solitude as the spray and wind could no longer be felt, now only heard.

Sora didn't know how long he sat there, but he was determined to find a way to make everything ok again, one way or another.

It wasn't until he heard a voice weakly speak, did he realize he had company at the cliff's edge.

**000**

"This wasn't the way it was supposed to end Sora." Riku spoke softly to only the wind. These cliffs reminded him so much of the blue eyed brunet. Trying to stand strong against the turbulence that threatened their position. Sora had been a such strong rock to lean on at one time, but now it he was just another beaten by the elements.

Sora was screaming, pleading, crying by the time he heard Riku's last words.

"Sora… if there's anyway I can ever make it right to you, I hope this is it." Sora's eyes widened in fear as he realized Riku's intentions. Riku stood firmly at the edge of the cliff, looking out as if scouting the distant horizon for any other possibility. He set his arms out eagle spread, and dove off into the violent waves and distant rocks below.

Sora dove off the edge right after Riku, but couldn't reach out to grab him intime. At least this time they would go together.

**000**

Sora closed his eyes as the feeling of falling had never been scarier in his life. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could register that he was screaming, that somehow none of this felt real.

Nothing had made any sense. The pieces didn't match and the picture was blurry. Time seemed to take forever in those few seconds of falling. There was nothing worse than the helplessness against the tug of gravity.

**000**

* * *

The shock from the jolt of impact had Sora disoriented and confused. He gasped for breathe, as he fought the ache in his throat from the sudden scream. 

He looked up and saw the most touching sight he could have asked for. Riku was standing there with his hand held out to help Sora up.

Riku was smiling down to him, offering a hand he so openly accepted before the other teen pulled him closer for a much needed hug. "Sora, are you ok?"

Sora nodded, but still seemed disoriented as he seemed to search the room. He tightened his grip on the other, not sure what was real and what wasn't at this moment. He leaned into the hug, letting himself relax against the steady rhythm of the other's heart.

'Wait… what?'

"Where are we?" Sora suddenly looked frightened turning his head to search around the room. His room obviously.

"Sora? You're home. It's going to be ok." Riku pulled back enough to gaze into Sora's eyes to reassure him. Obviously the change in environment might have come as a shock to the amnesiac.

Sora turned around in a circle once again to observe the room. Well, obliviously it was his. He groaned in pain for a minute clutching head for minute.

"Sora, are you sure you're ok? That fall looked pretty painful." Riku looked carefully into Sora's eyes. He knew it was pretty much a pointless guess on his part, not knowing how to really observe the eyes for a reaction or not.

Sora stared at him for just a moment, wondering why that would have anything to do with right now. "Um… Riku, I think I'm going to be ok." The catch in his voice made the statement seem unsure and unsteady.

Riku seemed a tad unsure about letting Sora off the hook just yet. "I just want to make sure that you didn't hit your head again and get any worse."

Just as if seeing an innocent habit of Sora's he tilted his head to the side and pouted when he was confused. "Again?"

Riku raised an eyebrow with a slightly nervous smile on his face. "I think its safe to say that you didn't hit your head too hard when you fell off the bed."

"When I fell….right," he smoothly parroted Riku. Sora blushed as he looked down and noticed he was only wrapped in a sheet, and his boxers, obviously having rolled off his mattress in his uneasy sleep and hitting the floor. He wanted to bang his head against the wall for all the common sense he was worth.

Sora looked at the mess scattered, noticing one picture in particular and hoping Riku hadn't already seen it. He bashfully ushered the silver haired teen out of his room using the excuse that he needed to get dressed. He had just realized that no one else knew that his memories had fully returned, but somehow, he wasn't sad about anything like how he thought the would have been.

He had accepted Riku's relationship with Kairi before the accident, know they could just go back to being best friends. Only thought he entertained was how much he could shock them with his memories. Devilish indeed, but Sora smiled as he couldn't think of a reason to pass up the opportunity.

* * *

**Don't kill me... I really liked the concept for the chapter. So how many of you figured it out from the few scattered vague hints I left as to what it was leading up to?**

**Sorry this chapter isn't as long. I just couldn't bring myself to try to find another good stopping point without bringing up any of the spoilers for the next chapter (which may be the end) I haven't decided if I'll write one or two more chapters just yet, but if I get a good enough responce to those who want more, then I'll definitely have to satisfy the demands of the majority, right?**

** Well, I hope no one thought I had died, or given up on this little work in progress, but I just want to elaborate that the story is STRICTLY shonen-ai. I have nothing against yaoi, I've just never written one, and I really don't want to ruin my first shared work by writing something I have no experience in. Sorry.**

**Thank you once again,**

**Ru  
**


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